Change is a SCARY place

When Alice fell down the rabbit hole, she was lost.  Afraid.  Alone….but then she wasn’t.   She changed from big to small, and small to tall, and was never quite the proper size. Alice made choices along the way.  A blitzed caterpillar, frenetic rabbit, and top-hatted mad man befriended her.  Nothing made sense, and puzzles surrounded her. She changed, but she was just fine in the end.

I think I’m like Alice.  A little bit  confused, trying to make sense of nonsense most of the time.  And sometimes fighting, or struggling to accept change.

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Maybe I’m like Alice trying to find her way

Sharks are scary. Rollercoasters death rides  are scary. Getting lost in the woods at night is scary.  But right now I’m using that word to describe CHANGE.  Don’t confuse what I’m saying as to mean I HATE change, or that I never want change to come.  Nor does it mean I lack in seeking out adventure, or newness.  I like all those things, truly I do.  BUT, I still find myself faced with a four letter word. Fear.  Fear is a crippling thing.  It can stop a person in their tracks.  But it’s also not a bad thing. The key is to manage that fear.  Harness it like a bull at the Calgary stampede and you can face change, and come out better on the other side.

Lately change has been a constant in my life. Recent nuptials (YAY!), discussions and the anticipation of house hunting (wee!). But still the F word bubbles to the surface many-a-time.  What if things are NEVER the way they were and I HATE it….What if I look like a fool, fall on my face (already done that one….), become a laughing stock, disappoint a loved one, disappoint myself, lose a friend, become so broke I’ll have to learn to live on Kraft dinner forever…. I face these questions all the time. ( well—I’ll never give up my Poke bowel obsession so perhaps the KD question doesn’t apply). But the thing is this : change requires decisions.  And oftentimes decisions come with mistakes. But those go hand in hand, and those mistakes are largely what defines us, and how we self improve.

So it’s time once again that I harness that paralyzing fear,  make more decisions, and possibly more mistakes.

Even if it means going down the dark rabbit hole from time to time.

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